Waking Up

One of the things that we did when we put a freeze on our bank accounts was set a strict grocery budget. And when you only eat whole, organic food, money does not go far. Some may wonder why we still eat this way if we're trying to save so much money, but one of the things we said from the beginning is that we aren't going to sacrifice the health of our children, and for us, that means that we're still very careful with what we put into their bodies. 

So far we've been really good at substituting what we have on hand or just going without if it's not important. The past couple of days have been particularly sparse since it's the end of the month, but we've still been eating nourishing, well-rounded meals, and for the kids who don't care about having the same breakfast several times a week, that's just fine. 

In order for Joshua and I to keep the kids eating well, however, our tight budget meant that when we ran out of coffee, we had to start drinking the tea that we had on hand, and when we ran out of that, Joshua suggested we just drink hot water and lemon like old people...but we didn't have any lemon. Cue the tiny violin: and that's when we began drinking our own tears. 

Because getting out of bed is one of my least favorite activities, and that morning cup of freshly ground organic coffee can either make or break my day, this may have been difficult for me. Let's face it, I'm a bitch in the morning, and I'm a food snob. Those two things put together make for an ugly morning when I'm waking up to being strangled by necklaces that my kids are attempting to decorate me with.  But after going to the store with $3.00 in glass milk bottle deposits and finding that we could buy enough loose-leaf, even organic tea to last a couple weeks and still have change leftover, I had to admit that my daily coffee fix wasn't at the top of the priority list. Reminding myself of our goals and the many reasons behind what we're doing, I was surprised that I was completely on board, without any complaint, resentment or reluctance about canceling our coffee subscription.  In fact, I found the whole situation refreshing and liberating, and damn it, I was pretty proud of myself.

So when my brother showed up on my doorstep, fresh in from Afghanistan, with a can of coffee under his arm because, well, he didn't want my tea, I realized just how incredibly blessed we were. I mean yes, my brother was home from deployment, but he had brought me coffee. I dwelled on that for the next few days: the fact that I had given up coffee for our cause and how my brother had just shown up with some, like it was some amazing "God thing." We were so blessed, I thought, even in the most tangible ways. Yeah, shallow much?

It was a slap in the face when I realized that I had, myself, become prey to the profound deceptions of this world. We find joy in the utmost insignificant. We gratuitously consume, we keep tiresome and verbose lists of the things that we expect God to oblige us with because "he loves us." We, humanity, are gluttonous to our cores, unable to appreciate even the most fundamental offerings that we should see as precious. So absorbed with what a "blessing" the coffee was that my brother brought us, I barely realized what a treasure he himself was, sitting there healthy and safe, home for the holidays, in my kitchen.

What's really important in this life? A decent cup of coffee? A hot shower? Our blinding preoccupation with the things that make us feel good, even those that are in and of themselves estimable, like feeding our growing children healthy food, doesn't come close to the people that we have in our lives. Because let's face it, if I didn't have my brother to share that cup of coffee with, or my kids waking me up every morning, violently assaulting me with costume jewelry, then what would be the point of waking up at all?

The Grey Area - Is Toilet Paper Really Necessary?

I might be insane. But I'm ok with that. We're three days in and I'm already trying to find new ways to challenge myself in the not-spending-money department that are maybe a little, tiny, baby bit weird. But I'm ok with that! I'd say I was trying to challenge Joshua too but he's already been crazy for several years. I wouldn't be surprised if I found him naked and covered in mud, running around in the backyard attempting to poach squirrels for dinner. Was that too detailed? 

In all sincerity, I have become really excited about the prospect of doing with what we already have and being, well, creative for this next year. I find myself asking maybe weird questions, like, what does prison wine taste like? Why did I buy light bulbs when we have all of these candles and oil lamps? Do people still buy human hair?

In a moment of dumb, I found myself thinking, awww, my daughter loves it when I take pictures of her. I should buy her a toy camera! Seriously Elissa? Christmas was how many days ago? Luckily I snapped out of it -no pun intended - and went and built her one out of duplos. To which followed the question, what else can I make out of Legos?

I did finally hit a wall today when my suggestion to try out "family cloth" was met with some resistance by Joshua. And by resistance I mean that he threatened to stop using the toilet altogether. For those unfamiliar with this concept, family cloth, in layman's terms, is reusable toilet paper. To be fair to myself, I didn't think things through and the idea of washing rags that previously removed poop from my husband's butt didn't really sit well with me either. Touché.

So today we had to go buy toilet paper since the restaurant napkins that we found in the car were about to run out. Yes, it's toilet paper, considered a necessity in most modern homes. But knowing that there was another less convenient but still plausible, and darn it, GREENER way around buying the stuff, I felt that we had somehow failed by making that singular purchase. But marriage is about compromise, right?

Yet, I still find myself thinking that there are people in the world who use leaves, or their hands, or fancy water fountains, and I can't get around the fact that no, toilet paper is not really essential to our survival. But then, what is? Aside from the black and white food, water, air, and shelter, just about everything else in this life falls into the grey area. If our plan is to make only the most "necessary" purchases in order to get out of debt and live closer to life itself, then we have to decide what things we take with us from our current way of living, and what we leave behind. 

I know that to many, even the consideration to avoid a toilet paper purchase seems asinine, and whether you think I'm an extremist or not, this was the first time that I really felt challenged by the prospect of being a little bit uncomfortable in order accomplish something that I feel Christ is calling us to. We knew we would eventually have to face the fact that some of the things that we can't live without are actually things that we just don't want to live without. I just didn't expect it to happen this soon.

What we're attempting to do isn't for everyone, and I'm not saying that when this year of radical financial moderation is over we're going to continue in every aspect of it. Some changes we make may stick, and some we might be glad to be done with. Regardless, we are learning how to survive and thrive, and without many of the things the world tells us we "need." We are becoming more flexible, adaptable, innovative. And when it's all said and done, if we walk away from a year independent of the figurative toilet paper but more dependent on Jesus, then what did we really lose?

So have we had a change of heart? Are we ditching the TP? Not yet at least. As it stands now, the materials for a sanitary setup would cost us a little bit of money, which we're obviously trying to avoid spending, especially since we just paid for a bunch of paper that was made specifically to be thrown away. But to be completely honest, as we go through these glorious rolls of luxury, Joshua and I have agreed to reconsider the possibility that buying toilet paper may not be necessary for our family at this time. I feel like it's the only option if we're going to be true to ourselves and to what we're doing this year. Fortunately, we did shop for the best deal, which happened to be in the form of a 48-roll package the size of a small human from the neighborhood Costco, so we have a 4-month supply before have to decide how far we're going to take this.

“I didn't go to religion to make me happy. I always knew a bottle of Port would do that. If you want a religion to make you feel really comfortable, I certainly don’t recommend Christianity.”

-C.S. Lewis

If the idea of family cloth has struck a chord with you, I encourage you to check out Penny's post over at Penniless Parenting's blog - she makes some pretty convincing points.

Starting Strong

Admittedly, the past few days have been pretty easy for us as far as spending goes. We're actually up by $8.00, go figure. We didn't intentionally plan to go AWOL right after our biggest holiday of the year, but I am really thankful that we did.

On the one hand, if you're going to re-brand your lifestyle, just doing it cold turkey might be the only way that you'll ever make the leap. But some may feel like it's such a huge change that planning for it isn't such a bad idea. I feel like we got the best of both worlds by impulsively starting the day after Christmas. We ripped the band-aid off, but conveniently, with a few cash gifts from generous relatives still un-spent and leftovers in the fridge. 

Obviously I don't want to put anybody into one single category. We all come from different social, religious, economic, and cultural backgrounds. Maybe every day of the year is the same for you. Then pick one and go. The important thing isn't having a cushion starting out, it's that you're starting. But if I could give any advice to the few reckless souls who might find themselves following in our footsteps, it would be to wait until your most boisterous and merry day of the year, enjoy the hell out of yourselves, and then pretend that Ash Wednesday happens every day for the next year.  Because starting strong with some good things to eat or new toys to keep the kids busy, or even some extra money to put toward a debt takes the sting out of the initial realization that you're not a wayward consumer any longer. 

"The life that I aspire to live

No man proposeth me,

Only the promise of my heart

Wears its emblazonry."

-Henry David Thoreau

Day 1 - Losing the Baggage

Today marks the first full day of our year of simple living, not only to eliminate our credit card debt, but to enjoy an uncluttered life, removing the residual baggage that so often follows the consumer-driven lifestyle. 365 days seems feasible right now, but I'm not ignorant to the fact that we are going to lose steam after the initial excitement of what we are doing wears off. Thank goodness I seem to have developed a fixation with writing about our journey - I am hopeful that it will help keep me accountable.

The original goal to oust our credit card debt has, in the past 48 hours, independently evolved in the minds of both myself and my husband into a much broader idea to work toward a simpler life beyond our debt. It wasn't until this evening that we both realized that we were sharing in the same dream of ultimate emancipation from the current life we are living, and we are, like, never on the same page. 

We discovered that the idea to get out of debt has awakened a deeper, more rooted desire in both of us to truly be free. Freedom from the burdens of creditors and from long work hours, yes, but also freedom to serve, and to give to others, freedom to wander the country in a travel trailer and live like storybook Gypsies, freedom to spend time together as a family and to be led to anything we are called to, without financial burdens holding us back. It's something that over the past several years we've talked about, but never acted upon. And quite frankly, I always saw it as just an implausible dream, because living a free life isn't what most "normal" people do, even in the "Land of the Free."

Our culture tells us that if we go to college, get a career, work hard at it for 30+ years, and if we're lucky, retire with something to show for it, then we will have earned that freedom to finally live. For some that is enough, but to us, that's not living at all. Religion aside, whether one believes in an Omnipotent Creator or not, most people can agree that Jesus Christ had some groundbreaking and often controversial things to say. We want to live the abundant life that He said could be ours, and we want to do it to the fullest degree. Now. Not when we're old, our kids are grown, and we've watched the world pass us by from our cubicles.

"no one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money." 

-Jesus

Matthew 6:24 NIV 

While many read this literally as a warning against trusting in the illusion of money's security and aspiring to be rich and powerful, I believe that it goes deeper. As followers of Christ I don't think of us as serving money; we haven't actively been storing treasures up for ourselves here, we aren't hoarders, we consider ourselves pretty generous with what we have. Yet here we are, in economic servitude, nonetheless.

No servant is greater than his master. You aren't your own boss, you answer to another. You might get paid, or, if you're a bond servant, you're a slave with a tarted up name. So it is with debt. Joshua goes to work to make money to keep our debt under control, actively and acutely serving money. If he decides to "quit," we'll be taken to court by collectors, and figuratively beaten to a pulp with additional fees and interest and penalties. The chains will further tighten. It may sound melodramatic to some, but to us, we're in bondage. We don't want to be indentured to money, yet here we are. 

Thus begins our revolution. This year that we are setting aside to live simply isn't just a 365 day fast from the typical American Way of life, it's a rebellion. And more importantly for me, it's a declaration of a new covenant between our family and God in order to reestablish Him as the master of our lives. 

"A servant of God has but one Master. It ill becomes the servant to seek to be rich, and great, and honored in that world where his Lord was poor, and mean, and despised."

-George Müeller

So, this is how it all started...

This blog and subsequent journey that my family and I now find ourselves on started with a simple, albeit impulsive declaration on my part that, "starting January 1st, we are going to work to be debt-free by the end of the year!" 

After quitting my job to stay home with our children in the fall of 2011, our income was cut in half. Our spending pattern, however, remained the same. This was largely due to savings, acting jobs that my husband Joshua got in addition to the income from his day job, and financial aid for living expenses that he was receiving while finishing his college degree. 

But everything has its season, and ours of pretending to have two incomes started coming to an end earlier this year. Savings dwindled, Joshua graduated from college, acting work in our area slowed, residual checks from previous work diminished, as they do. The lifestyle that we had been used to finally began to weigh us down. We started using credit cards for groceries and everyday expenses, like LIGHT BULBS, and before we knew it we were back into a debt that we hadn't seen since we got married almost ten years ago. We hit the breaking point when my "creative financing" literally consisted of my taking a cash advance from the nearly maxed out credit card to deposit into the bank so that we could make the minimum payment on said card. Gross. 

I know, we sound like totally irresponsible idiots when it comes to money. You probably think we drive matching BMWs and eat lobster and buy our kids ponies and take tropical vacations twice a year. In fact, as "middle-class" citizens of the United States, we live quite frugally compared to most, and don't typically rely on credit to get by, nor consider it just a fact of life. We believe in quality over quantity and only shop when things are on sale. We drive a Subaru, singular. We make most of our meals from scratch, at home. We garden, can and freeze food for the winter. Our idea of a vacation is going to the coast. For the day. With food from home. 

In a nutshell, just living had started to choke us, which, in my opinion is totally lame. Needless to say, as the sole breadwinner taking the brunt of the stresses associated with making ends meet (i.e. listening to me complain), Joshua was on board with my spontaneous plan to get out of debt immediately.  However, my darling husband was quick to point out that paying off our school loans, car, and mortgage on top of our credit card debt might be biting off more than we could chew. Ok, it would be completely impossible. So, we both agreed that for the next year, we would focus solely on getting out of the plastic hole that we had dug ourselves into.

With our belief that children should have their mother at home during their young years, my going back to work wasn't an option. Refusing to accept that the only way for our family to survive was to make MORE money, we came up with a plan. Hold on to your seats. This is brilliant.

Our Debt Resolution Plan:

• We agree to eliminate ALL unnecessary spending from our daily lives for the next year
• We agree to determine true needs vs. wants based on Jesus' teachings
• We agree to allow God to speak to us about our perceived needs v. actual needs and follow any commands He gives us
• We agree that the end result is to freely live a simpler life, not to hoard excess money
• We agree that any sacrifices made along the way do not negatively affect the health or well-being of ourselves or our children
• We agree not to compromise on any of our moral or spiritual beliefs in order to eliminate our debt

So, here we are. It seems simple, but I guess that's what we're going for. We don't know where this next year will take us, but I have a feeling that it's going to be one heck of a ride! Thus begins our journey to not only get out of debt, but to live simply, so that we can simply live.

"The thief enters only to steal, kill, and destroy. I came so that they could have life - indeed, so that they could live life to the fullest."

- Jesus

John 10:10 CEB