Two Months and Counting: 5 Things We've Learned So Far

When I first started writing about simplifying our life, TWO WHOLE MONTHS ago - cowabunga! - I was quick to say that we had no idea what we were doing, or what we were getting ourselves into, and that is totally still the case. Each day we face new obstacles; we have a long list of things we suck at, and an equally substantial one of things that we're better at than I thought we'd be. And all along the way we're learning stuff. Like kids actually do get tired of pancakes. Joshua turns inside out when he doesn't have coffee. Kitchen knives are only good for shaving if your end goal is death. Yogurt is easy to make. Spell-check thinks 'cowabunga' should be 'bungalow'. Shall I go on?

Sometimes cutting things out of our lives isn't beneficial, even though it may seem obvious

Like when I cancelled our Internet service to save some bucks, because we are capable adults and we can go to the coffee shop. 

It's genius. I can load the kids into the car and drive somewhere so I can unload them, buy a coffee, spill it while wrangling the kids to a table that's too close to the whispering couple next to us, unload the tablet, subject the entire store to the screams of Pearl when I tell her she can't play it right now, log in to the free-with-purchase WiFi, swipe back to the page I'm viewing each time Pearl swipes the screen, log in to the bank account, pay each of my bills, twice, because Pearl is clicking the buttons for me, scold Jude because he's under the table of the man in front of me, get nasty stares from the woman across from me who either has perfect children, or cats, finish paying my bills, log in to post my blog, stifle tears when Pearl deletes it, give up and pack up to find that Jude is now outside, drinking a frappuccino with lipstick on the straw that he found on an abandoned table. And all before lunch!

The gas, time, money and, ahem, sanity that I personally would have to spend at most places to get any work done negated the relatively small cost-savings. And although it really isn't a need, in this instance the convenience-factor is worth it for me. Then after all of this pondering, I realized that my husband telecommutes for his second job, so...Internet back on.

Being legalistic won't get you closer to your goal, unless your goal is to be an asshole

With such a stark contrast between our first month of rigid monotony that was quickly turning Joshua into a textbook "crabby old man," and our second month of, well, chaos, it was obvious to me that our third and subsequent months would need to be better balanced. I personally operate very well with an all-or-nothing approach to spending; it's easier for me to keep my focus. But I'm not alone in this journey, and as I've learned recently, empathy isn't my strong suit.

For my family, my husband especially, in order to to stay excited about this year of frugality, and for everyone to be successful in the lifestyle we're striving for, there need to be certain compromises. For Joshua, having a treat to look forward to every once in a while will keep him on the narrow path as well as in a good mood. For me, having very clear, set-in-stone parameters about exactly what those treats are is necessary to hold me accountable. Luckily Joshua is easy to please, so a treat for him might be a beer once in a while, or, like, a package of bacon. What am I, a tyrant?! I concede. 

I know we're not going to be perfect and we were never aiming for perfection. We're trying to look at the spirit behind what we're doing. Yes, we have goals and definitely need to be semi-strict with our spending in order to be effective in wiping out our debt, but not when it doesn't make sense. Bureaucracy is one of the things we want out of our life, after all. Getting takeout on a hairy day shouldn't be strictly forbidden, especially if it's the only viable option at the time, but it also shouldn't be the root of excessive online binge shopping. This isn't a social experiment. We want to make permanent changes to our lifestyle, and aside from the fact that it's completely unrealistic, denying ourselves even the smallest pleasures for the sole reason that it's 'the rules' we've established won't do anything but create resentment. We believe that life shouldn't just be lived, it should be enjoyed. And I like to eat ice cream sometimes, so sue me.

Our strengths and weaknesses can surprise us

Turns out that one of the things that I thought I'd have a terrible time at - buying piles of clothes for my children on every clearance rack I can find at Target - wasn't even an issue. I never thought I'd go a month let alone a week without entering that glorious realm. I know the store better than its own associates and I laugh every time they ask me if I'm "finding everything ok." HA! Buying things for myself on the other hand,  which I did have a slight episode with, was a surprise to me. It's rare that I shop for myself but it's not because I'm a martyr, it's because I cost more, and honestly don't usually have the time. But I've learned that in cutting unnecessary spending from my life, my affinity with getting a good deal has only increased. Saving money is even more important to me now, so when I see a great deal it's that much harder to resist. You can read about my struggle with this here.

Another weakness-turned-strength was in the kitchen. As much as I love feeding my family healthy meals, I hate cooking. Granted, I always end up trying to cook during the kids' witching hour. But before it seemed like it was at least once a week that I'd have Josh pick up takeout on the way home or suggest we go out as a family. And I'm a nutrition freak! Don't tell anyone. However, since we've been on our anti-spending campaign, we've cooked just about every meal at home, from scratch, and I've done a large part of that. I still kind of hate it, but what used to be a major weakness is now, at least, greatly improved.

Simple living doesn't have to equal inconvenience

I have what some may call high-maintenance children - I like to consider them well-attached. They love to be with me, and I them (most of the time). But I've found that the trade-off to spending less money is spending more time working around the house. Living simply requires me to do more things myself, and while cooking from scratch, making my own laundry soap, canning my own food, and using cloth diapers are all rewarding in their own ways, they can become burdensome if my kids want me and I am pulled in opposite directions. 

Luckily I'm finding the balance. Simplicity isn't always denying ourselves the luxury of convenience, it's finding ways to create that convenience ourselves without being dependent on the packaged, store-bought versions. As long as I remember to plan for the off-kilter days, things roll smoothly. Inexpensive foods like dry beans and rice save a ton of money, but only if prep time is factored in. Cooking from scratch is definitely the way to go, but only if there are quick and easy-to-prepare meals on hand for the wacky times. I mean, just because I don't buy freezer burritos doesn't mean I can't make my own to pop in the oven if there is pandemonium. A secret stash of homemade popsicles can also be life-saving when you just need everyone to shut up for a few minutes. 

millions of peaches

When we acknowledge our true needs, blessings are more evident

Do I think our former way of life was separating us from God? No, but I do think it was distracting us from Him. When we live cluttered and jumbled lives, it seems that we need God to be bigger, talk louder, and act more extravagantly in order for us to even acknowledge Him. I know that I've been guilty more than once of overlooking an attempt by Him to care for me which instead was seen merely as some incidental event that happened in the course of my day, if it wasn't missed altogether. I've found that as our life has been intentionally cleared and the excess continues to be weeded out (and believe me, we have a long way to go), we've been able to see more of the ways our God has chosen to show His love for us, and we've been able to give credit where credit is due. Whether it's in the form of a few bucks found stuffed in an old coat, or a dinner invitation on a night that there's no food in the house, we're beginning to be more thankful for all of those 'ordinary' things that happen to us, that are actually quite extraordinary.

Have you ever wondered where your loyalties lie? Do you want to know what drives you? It's a challenge, but try not spending money for a month. Money isn't just the sinews of war, it's the sinews of life, at least in the Western world. It can't be avoided. We need it for just about everything, both good and bad. When my family quit spending, it put a lot into perspective. We recognized things in our life that needed to take a backseat, but what was even more interesting was our discovery of the things that continued to motivate our spending, even after the purse strings were tied.

So, here we are, still learning, messing up and moving forward. It's both exhausting and exciting but my heart is still in it, which is, hopefully, a sign that stubbornness isn't my only driving force. Have you ever done such a thing? Would you? I'd love to know your story.